"There are some simple truths…and the dogs know what they are."

-- Joseph Duemer

"A dog is not almost-human, and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such."
-- John Holmes

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
-- Josh Billings

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
-- Robert Benchley

"America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags it's tail it knocks over a chair."
-- Arnold Toynbee

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives."
-- Sue Murphy

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-- Roger Caras

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
-- Dave Barry

"Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of ther universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made."
-- Roger Caras

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
-- Ann Landers

"Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends."
-- Alexander Pope

"I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons."
-- Will Rogers

"I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles."
-- Steven Wright

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
-- Rita Rudner

"I would rather see the portrait of a dog that I know, than all the allegorical paintings they can show me in the world."
-- Samuel Johnson

"If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one."
-- Andy Rooney

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
-- James Thurber

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
-- Unknown

"If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog."
-- George Bernard Shaw

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
-- Mark Twain

"If your dog doesn't like someone you probably shouldn't either."
-- Unknown

"In a dog-eat-dog world, it is the dogmatic domain of dog lovers to offer dogdom a dog's chance to rise above the dog days for a doggone good time."
-- AKC Gazette
August 1991

"In the world which we know, among the different and primitive geniuses that preside over the evolution of the several species, there exists not one, excepting that of the dog, that ever gave a thought to the presence of man."
-- Maurice Maeterlinck
'Our Friend, The Dog'

"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
-- John Steinbeck

"Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."
-- Lewis Grizzard

"My dog is usually pleased with what I do, because she is not infected with the concept of what I "should" be doing."
-- Lonzo Idolswine

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives."
-- Rita Rudner

"No man can be condemned for owning a dog. As long as he has a dog, he has a friend; and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has."
-- Will Rogers

"No matter how little money and how few possesions you own, having a dog makes you rich."
-- Louis Sabin

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."
-- Christopher Morley

"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!"
-- Dr. Tom Cat

"One reason a dog is such a lovable creature is his tail wags instead of his tongue."
-- Unknown

"Politics are not my concern... they impressed me as a dog's life without a dog's decencies."
-- Rudyard Kipling

"Recollect that the Almighty, who gave the dog to be companion of our pleasures and our toils, hath invested him with a nature noble and incapable of deceit."
-- Sir Walter Scott
'The Talisman'

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-- Andrew A. Rooney

"The disposition of noble dogs is to be gentle with people they know and the opposite with those they don't know...How, then, can the dog be anything other than a lover of learning since it defines what's its own and what's alien."
-- Plato

"The dog was created specially for children. He is the god of frolic."
-- Henry Ward Beecher

"The greatest love is a mother's; then a dog's; then a sweetheart's."
-- Polish Proverb

"The more people I meet the more I like my dog"
-- Unknown

"They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation."
-- Jerome K. Jerome

"To err is human, to forgive, canine."
-- Unknown

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog."
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"What kind of life a dog . . . acquires. I have sometimes tried to imagine by kneeling or lying full length on the ground and looking up. The world then becomes strangely incomplete; one sees little but legs."
-- E.V. Lucas

"When a dog wags her tail and barks at the same time, how do you know which end to believe?"
-- Anonymous

"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
-- Edward Abbey

"When the Man waked up he said,
'What is Wild Dog doing here?'
And the Woman said,
'His name is not Wild Dog any more,
but the First Friend,
because he will be our friend
for always and always and always.'"
-- Rudyard Kipling

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies."
-- Gene Hill

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

"You may have a dog that won't sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because she's too stupid to learn how but because she's too smart to bother."
-- Rick Horowitz, Chicago Tribune

"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us."
-- Robert Louis Stevenson

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."
-- Samuel Butler